I go to great pains to differentiate between love and ego. Love being defined as stillness, a mindless experience. Expectations being the mark of the ego, which includes all your thoughts, experiences, beliefs and desires. These expectations become hard to question, because they are the teachings of very important institutions. We empower institutional religions because it is hard to be original, it is hard to think for ourselves. Very often, priests will claim they have the knowledge that is passed down from God. This is a really confusing thing as everybody has a different teaching, and therefore a different God. Really, the love of God, creator, was born in every heart ,and the ego twists it into laws and rules.

A broken heart cannot exist unless you are withholding love. This can be confusing because how can you love someone who hurt you, broke your trust? But you need to see these as two separate things. One is love, what is hurting you, holding it back. The other is your pain, which is caused by the assault on your expectations.

There is a big difference between pain and suffering. Pain is when you cut your hand. You don’t worry about your hand if you know it will get better. Suffering is when you’re not sure that it will heal, and you worry about what is going to happen. If you block the love, then there is suffering. If you deal with the assault on your expectations then there is pain, and with the right treatment, you know it will get better. That is the difference. The suffering person is holding back love. The person in pain, is not holding back love, but is dealing with an injury to their ego.

Now this is of vital importance if you are truly wanting to fall in love again. The person who is holding back love for one person in the past, cannot fully release it to another, because they are afraid of that suffering. So they remain broken hearted, but try to get on with their lives. This just doesn’t work, and is made 200% worse if there is forgiveness.

What you judge you breed in a child, attract in a partner, or become. So the past haunts us, as we have said before. If you can’t love the past, then you are simply running away from a person, while carrying all the baggage.

So, there are two issues. One is to love the person who hurt you. You loved them before, so you can love them now. And the second issue is to deal with the pain, or shattered expectation (emotions). So, emotionally at least, we must learn how to heal wounds and become innocent, to surrender all the fears, ambitions, paranoia and phobias that we have accumulated in order to truly become present and fall in love again.

Whatever your situation in life, love must feature in the formation of your world. This love should be as fresh, free, and as far-reaching as the morning breeze. It must be warmed by the sunshine so that your life can be warmed by the celebration of love.

The person who hurt you most is no doubt the person you love most, so the greatest suffering, and the greatest pain, are often in the one circumstance. Your ego will explain a thousand reasons why you shouldn’t love them. But you do. Admit that, cry, fall, surrender to it. There is no need to act, love is not an action, it is a lack of action, love is the void, there is just sunshine. You felt it before, and you can feel it now. There is no need to possess the object of your love. In fact, to love is to let go. Truly, the end result of true love is to wish that person happiness, whether you are there or not.

Finally, you must know the sunshine that is love does not come to you. This is not about wining a lover back. No, you are the sun. The sunshine of love comes from you. This is the final confusion. We wait to find love, to share love, to celebrate love, to be in love. But we are screwed because love does not come to you, it comes from you. You cannot be loved. You can only love. So, when you are in suffering you have stopped loving, and their love has nothing to do with it.

Only your ego is stopping you. Yes, the one who hurt you is the one you must love in order to rise above that ego, because the most hurt is where your ego is most constructed. Shatter it. I dare you. Shatter your ego and see how much love you have. There is the sunshine, there is your life.

chriswalker.com.au Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit chriswalker.com.au chriswalker.com.au

Planning your wedding requires you to make a multitude of decisions, but none may be as important as the words you choose to exchange as your wedding vows. A vow is by definition a solemn promise and, therefore, should not be taken lightly. These words seal your commitment to each other. Many couples wish to write their own vows, as they believe that their own words will be more meaningful than the traditional vows. Before you start drafting your vows, you need to talk with your officiant. Your faith or denomination may have requirements or your officiant may have specific words that you cannot deviate from.

Once you have received the go ahead to write your own vows, the pressure is on to come up with just the right words to communicate your feelings toward each other. Whatever you do, don’t wait until the very last minute to write your vows. That will only create more stress and you really need to have the officiant review them, and approve them before the wedding ceremony.

Writing your vows may be easier if you break down the traditional vows and analyse what it is that the vows are conveying. The traditional vows contain a statement of affection; you promise to "love and cherish" each other. You promise your faithfulness with the wording "forsaking all others". You vow to love unconditionally with the wording "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health". Lastly, you are saying that it will be a permanent relationship with the words "as long as we both shall live".

It may make the writing of vows much easier if you take the four base promises of affection, faithfulness, unconditional and permanence, think about what those promises mean to you, then convey your feelings in your own words.

Another way to begin your process of writing your vows would be to take a piece of paper and answer these questions: Why do you love your fiance? What about them inspires you? What are your dreams for the future? What makes the two of you unique? What difficult problems or life trials have you been through and how did you work them out? Answering these questions may help to identify the special qualities and uniqueness of your relationship.

As you write your vows, keep in mind that you are writing them for and about your fiance, be sincere. This isn’t a speech you are giving to the guests at your wedding. After you have finished writing your vows and they have been approved by your wedding officiant, practice reciting them. You want to be comfortable with the wording and you don’t want to stumble over any of the words. The most important thing is that when you look into the eyes of your soon to be husband or wife, you want them to know that the words you recite as your wedding vows are coming from your heart.

This article was written by Julia Tweed. I am also the publisher of an ebook entitled “Getting Ready To Say “I Do”. This ebook is a step by step guide for planning your wedding. It starts with the magical proposal and ends with your life together after the honeymoon. For additional information regarding wedding vows, check out my website at: aceweddingplanner.com/index_005.htm aceweddingplanner.com/index_005.htm

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create relationship bliss. It takes time. It requires energy. It mandates desire. A lot of people have all that. What they don’t have is a valid and reliable Roadmap to Relationship Success. Whether they’re accessing Yahoo Maps or their personal database—if the information used to create a Roadmap is faulty, they’ll end up lost. If you’re single and feeling lost, here are five easy steps that you can take toward creating your dream relationship.

Step One: Define your belief system

Ask yourself this question—what information have I built my belief system upon? If you don’t have a precise answer, it’s likely that your database is full of faulty information. Thus, the first step toward relationship bliss is to determine what were the sources of information that went into creating your roadmap. For example, if you’re a man and believe that if you rescue a woman, or if you’re a woman who believes that you need to play the role of damsel in distress, then you have based some part of your belief system on a fairy tale. Bad thing to do! Great relationships are created when two strong people work hard to create a loving and beautiful relationship. Rescuers and damsel’s in distress often suffer from low self-esteem. So, as you define your belief system, which includes morals and values, be on the lookout for useless knowledge that needs to be deleted and replaced with personal truths that will propel you toward creating relationship harmony and success. Create this new information from reality and personal experience, not from fairy tales, movies, and soap operas.

Step Two: Stop doing what you’ve been doing.

Look back at your relationship history. Do you constantly repeat dating rituals and patterns. If jumping into bed by the third date is common practice, has this worked for you? If the answer is “No,” then why do you keep thinking that this will lead to relationship success? I’m a fan of Seinfeld. One of my favorite episodes is when George decides that since everything that he does leads to unhappiness, he will do the opposite of his natural instinct. And, it works! This, of course, is an exaggeration of what I am recommending. But try being “George” for a day—break out of your fruitless habits and try something new. If going to bars to meet people hasn’t worked, then go to a bookstore. If getting physically involved quickly hasn’t worked, then wait. Break a link in your chain of unfulfilling habits. What do you have to lose?

Step Three: Stop running from emotional pain

At a young age, we learn that pain is bad. Documenting knowledge about pain began from the moment you were forced out into this world from your mother’s womb and felt that sharp slap across your bottom. With this slap, you were introduced to a harsh reality of our world: it is full of painful experiences. With every emotional and/or physical painful experience in life, you have the opportunity to write and store knowledge about pain. You add new volumes every year. Moments of unhappiness, confusion, failure, depression, and the act of making the same mistakes over and over, all present the opportunity for you to write and store productive knowledge about pain. The problem is that most people, who continuously struggle in relationships and life, create volumes of identical information about emotional pain. They never take the time to write new lessons about pain. Instead they run off to the next relationship, crawl into a bottle, or numb themselves with drugs. Take time to learn from your emotional pain, don’t run from it—it’s telling you that you’re belief system needs to be updated and you need to make different choices. Think of your emotional pain as an ally and teacher who wants to help you create a happiness. Pain isn’t bad, it’s a necessary experience on the road of personal growth. The great news is that the further along the road you get, the chance of experiencing relationship pain diminishes.

Step Four: Don’t ignore warning signs.

If you have suffered a lot of painful relationship moments, it’s likely that you ignored warning signs that danger was looming. We all want to believe that we have developed good assessment skills and that, for the most part, most human beings are loving and caring. Thus, when we see or experience a relationship moment that doesn’t quite feel right, a lot of us are inclined to brush it off or give the person the benefit of the doubt. Not a good thing to do! If a warning sign appears, don’t ignore it. Rather, play close attention and deal with it. Why spend months or even years trying to create a lasting relationship with someone who is not right for you. Do you really think that you can change them? Do you really think the behavior that led to “red alert” is an isolated incident? Don’t kid yourself. Move on and find someone who doesn’t cause you anxiety and pain.

Step Five: Love yourself first

A lot of people look to others to make them feel like a whole person. You’ve likely heard the expression, “My other half.” I use the expression, “My other whole.” If you’re looking for another person to fulfill you, good luck. Try fulfilling yourself first. Once you feel that you are an empowered individual—that will not accept any inappropriate behavior from a significant other, you are well on your way to relationship bliss. A person who loves him or herself, values him or herself and won’t tolerate anyone treating him/her poorly. Learn to be alone and happy with yourself. Then go out and look for a partner. You’ll likely find that your standards will be far higher and, with that, you’ll attract a whole “new and improved” population of prospective mates.

By incorporating these basic philosophies into your life, you’ll greatly increase the probability of finding your “soul mate.” Once you have created your new roadmap to relationship success, follow it closely. You can’t change others, you can only change yourself. Have fun making these changes and never give up. Remember, it’s the struggle that sets the stage for greatness.

Rod Louden is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Woodland Hills, California and the author of Monster Relationships: Taming the Beasts that are Killing Your Relationships. To sign up for Rod’s free monthly relationship advice newsletter, please visit monsterrelationships.com monsterrelationships.com

Have you ever been at a loss to think of something special that you can do for that special someone in your life? Maybe you want to do a little extra for an important event, like his or her birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, or anniversary.

Here are some excellent tips and ideas of some special actions that you can take to help keep love alive in your life.

1. Give your loved one a top ten list: Top Ten Reasons Why I Love You. (It’s okay to include bonus reasons.)

2. Change the screen saver on the computer to something like “You Are the Light of My Life” in fancy or bold letters.

3. Stick an “I Love You” note on his or her steering wheel while they are at work.

4. Give her the top half of a pair of your pajamas on a cold night.

5. Write a poem for her, even if it is short, and even if you can’t write poems.

6. Bake fortune cookies that contain special “I Love You” messages.

7. Give her a rose for every year you’ve known her.

8. Give him a golf ball for every year you’ve known him.

9. Learn how to say “I Love You” is as many different languages as possible.

10. Reenact the best date the two of you ever had.

11. Put your favorite love note in a frame.

12. Take walks together after midnight.

13. Memorize your favorite love poem.

14. Read the story of Romeo and Juliet to each other.

15. Rent a bicycle built for two and ride in the park.

16. Serenade her with a song, preferably beneath a window.

17. Buy him or her a copy of their favorite magazine.

18. Give her one of her favorite flowers for each year you’ve known her.

19. Write a love letter in a code.

20. Give him or her a t-shirt with their pet name on it.

*****************************

Garry Gamber is a public school teacher and entrepreneur. He writes articles about real estate, health and nutrition, and internet dating services. He is the owner of Anchorage-Homes.com Anchorage-Homes.com and TheDatingAdvisor.com TheDatingAdvisor.com.