There are drugs available in the market that offer a shyness cure or social anxiety, or social phobia relief. But some experts do not offer medication but a systematic way of dealing with things with much more courage and positive thinking than you normally have. Shyness is not a disease that requires a drug or a pill to cure it. It is not even a character defect that must be defect that needs some repairing. Trying to cope with shyness will need positive thinking.

Some people say that shy people should immediately mingle with groups of people to overcome their fear of social anxiety. This means exposing yourself in situations that you have feared your whole life. Doing this might produce complications in your psychological fear.

Social anxiety can be a big hindrance and leads to discomfort in children, or even in adults.

Treating social phobia must be gradual or rely on Systematic Desensitization. This means being exposed to your fear, little by little, and conquering it step by step. This system involves the discovery of your fear, and breaking that fear by doing activities one step at a time. This will gradually move you to an easier step, and later to the most difficult.

Listing down situations which cause your shyness or social anxiety is the first step in applying Systematic Desensitization. This list must be arranged from the less difficult on to the most difficult. In that way, you may be able to triumph over your fear little by little. It will give you a better chance of moving towards a solution to your deeper social anxiety. A simple list or an outline may give you a bigger help to progress on social anxiety.

Give yourself a couple of weeks to deal with each situation in your list. Make a deliberate point everyday of getting into a situation in which you may practice a skill in your list. Trying to practice a particular skill that you have little by little everyday in a couple of weeks – this may lead you to the next step on your list and so on.

Though this technique does not work perfectly every time, since life does not place everyone in the same situation and experiences, this technique might still help you out some other time.

Here is another tip: no matter if a situation might seem difficult and more challenging, try to increase the time you have been spending in that particular situation. Increasing the difficulty means requiring more effort for you to overcome social anxiety. Try to challenge yourself and be braver. This may allow you to achieve a very smooth Systematic Desensitization.

Another shyness cure: try practicing your communication skill with your everyday store clerks who are always ready to put up a good conversation. This will help you out in almost any daily activity like buying candy, a magazine, or anything you might pick up. Making conversation does not necessarily mean it has to be a long one. You can always end up having a conversation whenever you like.

Another advantage is, you do not have to see these people again immediately, and there is no reason for you to be upset if you have said anything might be dull. Just do not try this out if there is a long line of other shoppers waiting behind you.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversationtalk.com/report.htm conversation starters

With the romantic feelings in the air, it’s no wonder that a classic theme of weddings is the renaissance or medieval times. There is a sense of chivalry and grace in that period that is easily captured for a wedding theme.

Creating the scene

The first thing that helps a renaissance themed wedding is the actual setting. If there is an older church or an outdoor setting that you can agree upon, it’s best to start there. The renaissance was a time where people were closer to nature, so incorporating something outdoors might be nice.

You could decorate the area with a lot of simple bunches of flowers. Think of the times as simpler and you’re sure to find even more ideas. Ribbons make for wonderful decorations as well. They can be tied to pews or to chairs as a subtle touch of beauty.

Your wedding party attire will also make an impression. The bride may want to wear something long and flowing with bell sleeves and an intricate bodice. Anything that looks like a corset is beautiful, though they’re much more comfortable now.

The groom is a little trickier as many men don’t want to wear leggings or tights, but a luxurious coat with a thick brocade pattern might be the perfect way to show his dedication to the theme. Bridesmaids and groomsmen can have different colored versions of the outfits.

You might also want to ask your guests to come in similar attire. Just make a notation on the invitation and have the entire setting be transported back into time.

All in the details

The ceremony can have a more nature-oriented theme as well. This can include the lighting of candles, as well as the jumping of the broom and sword. This is an African tradition that blends in quite well. This is the signal that the new couple will be working together from that moment on.

To truly capture the renaissance theme, it’s the details that matter. Give your guests small sachets of lavender or some other fragrant herb. Attach some folklore to it as well. Or you can have traditional Celtic or medieval musicians play for the reception.

A feast of roasted pig or lamb would also be appropriate–though you don’t have to eat it straight off the bone, like in days of old. Have plenty of drink and candles and you’re well on your way to a renaissance themed wedding.

Give your guests a hint of the theme by including a renaissance poem in the invitation, or sealing them with wax and your new monogram. Themed weddings are all about the details. Do some research and find some that work for you.

Amy Spade is an expert on planning weddings, and she has written an amazing totally free minicourse on how to make sure that you have the day of your dreams, and avoid wedding day disaster!

Get the free course “Your Special Day from Start to Finish” now at at weddingdata.com weddingdata.com

An old tradition has come back into fashion. It is the giving of a bride gift or groom gift to each other. Though it can be given before or after the wedding, most couples opt to give each other the gift before the nuptials with the gift being something their fiance or fiancee will use for the wedding itself.

You’re probably thinking, “what? another expense? No way!” and who can blame you. You are spending quite a bit on this very special day. The good news is that your gifts to each other do not need to be expensive. They just need to be well thought out and very personal gifts to your mate.

If you want to give your groom a gift to use for the wedding, practical and inexpensive suggestions would be a money clip or cuff links. You can even have them engraved if you order them ahead of time. How about a Cross pen for signing his name on your marriage contract? It’s beautiful yet not too expensive and it will look elegant in your wedding pictures.

Of course you have more options if you don’t mind the expense. How about a dress watch that he can wear on your wedding day? Get him a watch that he can use for those special occasions. He’ll remember you every time he looks at his watch.

Guys, you have it easier. Generally, brides love it when you give them a gift that shows how much you appreciate the time you’ve been together. A gift such as a photo album or scrapbook of all your dates will be pleasing especially if you placed love notes to tell her why each moment is special.

If you’d like it to be for the wedding, a traditional gift is a piece of jewelry that she will wear at the wedding. Pendants have always been a favorite gift. You may want to give her a set that matches the wedding ring you’ll be slipping onto her finger during your nuptials.

Lesley-Ann Graham runs weddingtrix.com” target=”_blank WeddingTrix.com – a valuable weddingtrix.com” target=”_blank wedding planning resource with articles, tips and advice to help you plan your perfect wedding. Visit Lesley-Ann’s wedding-blog.net wedding blog for more free wedding planning help and advice.

One of the beautiful things about growing older is we gain the benefit of wisdom. That, in turn, allows us to make smarter choices. As for me, I’m smart enough not to believe in love at first sight anymore. One reason being, I don’t see quite as well as I used to. I’m also smart enough to be more discriminating in my taste.

When I look back over my younger days, I realize I spent too much time craving the wrong men for all the right reasons. Can you relate? Think back for a moment. How many times did you ignore someone’s red flag warning because you were head over heals in love with the idea of being in love? Or worse yet, how many times did you mistake lust for love? How often did you justify or simply overlook his faults and irresponsible behavior because he was a smooth talker? Did you ever just settle for someone because you felt like you were pushing old maid status and all of your girlfriends were already married?

It’s safe to say if I knew then what I know now I would’ve definitely taken a different approach in my pursuit of finding Mr. Right. What about you? How much have your thoughts and feelings changed over the years about love and marriage? I made a checklist of things I was on the lookout for prior to hitting the middle age dating scene again so I could resolve any issues that could have an impact on my happily ever the second time around.

Compare my list to yours.

#1 Has he ever been married or divorced?

That’s important to know especially if you’ve been divorced like me. It’s been my experience that older people, who’ve been single for awhile, tend to develop a mind set and get used to doing things their own way because they don’t have to answer to anyone. The dating part of the relationship can be a lot of fun but when you decide to make that trip down the aisle and move into each other’s space, your living together could end up being cramped and uncomfortable. Some people should be prepared to face the hard core reality that they may be better off alone.

#2 What kind of baggage is coming into the relationship?

Dating at middle age can be challenging because all of us bring some baggage into each other’s lives. Some of us have packed so much stuff over the years from bad relationships that we could take a trip around the world twice.

They say time heals all wounds. That may be true but you need to find out how old and deep those wounds are. In my case, I tried dating about six months after my divorce. It was someone I had known years ago and always wanted a second chance. But the wounds from my tumultuous marriage and divorce were still fresh. No matter how much I wanted the relationship to work, I couldn’t get past the anger and resentment. It caused me to slip into a deep depression and made being around me an unpleasant experience. That was my baggage. But thank God I unpacked my suitcase and threw that “junk” away.

On the other hand if your middle age mate has some very old, deep wounds and can’t seem to get over the past, it might be wise for you to get over them. I once dated a man who actually caught his wife in the physical act of cheating and although they had been divorced for ten years, he couldn’t get over it. He even admitted he could never trust another woman again because of it. That was a major red flag.

#3 What about the ex and the kids?

Depending on how their relationship ended may determine how yours will start. If your partner experienced a lack of time, love, affection or adultery from his better half, you may need to give them time to re-group so you can get together on a level playing field. The truth of the matter is we are all products of our environments. The depth of emotions we have received throughout our lives will impact our behavior and interaction with others.

Then there are the children. They say you can tell a lot about a child when you look at the parent. I say you can learn a lot about a parent by observing the kids’ behavior. Would you want a mate whose children are out of control and disrespectful? That tells me they lack structure, guidance, discipline and love…something they obviously didn’t get from a parent. I don’t know about you but I don’t want my child being raised by someone whose own kids put him to shame. He could say he played no role in their upbringing and that, for me, would be worse!

Many of my middle age friends are starting to experience the “empty nest” syndrome but for those of us who still have a child to raise, the right mate is important because he will undoubtedly have some say in what goes on in the home. For God’s sake, don’t be so blinded by love that you can’t see the real person you’re dealing with. Don’t be afraid to do a criminal background or credit check. You wouldn’t want to be so involved with a person, only to discover down the road that he was a child molester or had a history of domestic violence.

#4 What’s love got to do with it?

You have to be honest with yourself and ask what the purpose of a relationship is at this time in your life. Do you want to get married or just have companionship without attachment? Are you looking for someone to fulfill that “vacant” parental role in your child’s life? Do you fear growing old alone? Are you just looking for financial security? It’s great to combine two incomes but it can be a disaster to combine loads of debt. I don’t advocate getting married to finance your old age. My mother once told me it’s better to be poor and happy than to be married and miserable.

#5 Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 11pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has allowed me to gain a better understanding of what it is I really want.

The man I seek at this stage of my life is one who’s strong enough to deal with my strengths, yet, gentle enough to understand my emotional stress and strife. No, I don’t have to settle for whoever should come along because I know now I can make it on my own. I prefer not to grow old alone but I realize at this stage of my life that I don’t need a man to complete my existence.

God has provided me with the resources I need in order to survive.

Beverly Mahone is a veteran journalist, author and motivational speaker. Her debut book is called, “Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age.” Ms. Mahone is available for speaking engagements and can be contacted through her website: talk2bev.com www.talk2bev.com.