Writing a successful email is probably the most important part of your online dating success. You can have a well filled out and interesting profile but if you don’t communicate properly with the other single all your efforts will be wasted.

50 million singles worldwide

With 50 million singles worldwide using online dating services you need to make yourself stand out from the crowd. Many singles get contacted hundreds of times a week just because of how pretty and good looking they are. Probably over 90% of this contact is through flirts and smiles. Writing a successful email will put you well in front of these pre-written messages. When someone get hundreds of flirts a week they don’t need to read them because they already know what they are going to say.

An email can be and should be personalized. This automatically gives the recipient of the email a reason to read it. They want to read your email, it’s going to be something different to what they normally would receive.

Subject line

Writing a successful email starts with a good subject line. Give them a reason to open your email. Use their name in the subject line to give it that personal touch. You can also mention something you have read in their profile. If they’ve said they like Italian cooking, then just saying “Hi ( their name ) I like Italian cooking too. Or you could go one better and name an Italian dish. Doing this creates an instant common interest, and will give them more reason to open the email.

Personalize your message

Continuing on the same theme, personalizing your emails is a must. Anyone can tell if your message is the type that could have been sent to a hundred different singles. Talk about something you have read in their profile. Make it obvious that you have taken the time to read their profile. This will instantly show them that you are interested in them for more than just the way they looked in their photo.

What to write

Introducing yourself is a good way to start your email. After that you want to speak to the single as if you’re speaking to one of your friends. This will give your email a much better personal feel, and again, it will show that it’s not an email that has been sent to a hundred people.

Call to action

To give your email a good finish after everything else has been done well you need to give them a call to action. Don’t just end the email with a yours, then your name. Let them know what you want them to do next. This will make them feel a lot more comfortable about replying to you.

A simple “I’ll be looking forward to your reply” lets them know that you’re ready to receive a reply. It might seem obvious to you that you want a reply but you don’t want them reading the email, and then just go onto their next message. Telling them what you’re expecting will give you a much better reply rate to your emails.

Once you’re in regular conversations with someone anything can happen. You might not be single for much longer.

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So you’ve got your profile all set up, and you’re ready to start browsing for dates. You find some that pique interest and want to send a message, but what do you say? These days some men have gotten so lazy when it comes to their first impressions. Yes, the message you send to any woman will be her first impression of you, and of course you want it to be a positive one.

I can’t tell you how many messages I’ve gotten that just say “Hey baby,” or “Wanna hang out?” Do you really think any woman is going to respond to this? The answer is no. The key to writing a good message, one that will trigger a response, is originality. So don’t copy and paste the same message and send it to fifty different women because they will be able to tell that it’s not personal.

One way to really catch a woman’s attention is by using her name in the message. Now I don’t mean repeat it ten times because that’s just creepy, but start off the message with her name. Right from the start she’ll know you actually took the time to see what her name was. Next, try and mention something you read in her profile (yes you need to READ her profile). If she feels that you actually took time to sit and find out about her, she might take the time to get to know you better, too.

In your message try avoid mentioning how you want to have sex with her, or how hot you think she is. That is definitely a turn off; she will instantly think you are just some pervert. Remember, we are going for originality, and telling a girl she is hot couldn’t be less original. Also, keep your life story out of this. You are sending her a message, which means she hasn’t said she is interested yet, so wait until she tells you she is interested before getting into how many pets you have.

So, when sending messages to women, just remember to be original, and personable. I guarantee you will get way more responses and dates.

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I first met S. some 5 years ago when she was leaving a toxic relationship with a violent partner. S. may well be the single most talented woman I have ever met. Still, 5 years later, while things have changed for her also, she has barely moved forward; and she is not making use of her prodigious talents.

Like everyone, S. has her challenges and blessings; the challenges are considerable, so, too, are the blessings.

S. still lives with a burning regret for the person she was before; before meeting her abusive partner, before the children, before the weight went on, before so many things. She may, or may not, have been as strong, independent and self-reliant as she thinks she once was.

More importantly, she is nowhere near as helpless, hopeless and resource-less as she now believes she is. It is as if, in her own eyes, she alone does not deserve to entertain even the occasional positive thought.

S.’s abusive partner behaved towards her in a predictably vile way. He blamed her for everything; for his problems, their children, her behaviour, her health problems. It was one of those ‘you name it, she’s to blame for it’ situations. S. ended up believing that pretty much everything must be her fault one way or another.

Five years on, she still blames herself and her circumstances.

What happened to her was never her fault. Nor are any of the difficulties that she is experiencing now her fault. It never was a question of fault or blame. S. is simply one of those good people to whom bad things – and bad people – have happened. (As have good things, and good people, also.)

Unfortunately, hers is not a mind-set that empowers her to move on. Nor does it offer her children a role model that will help make them less vulnerable, in their turn to abusers.

Whoever it was who said: “With one leg in the past and one foot in the future, you can only urinate on the present” was right. With one eye firmly on her past perceived shortcomings and the other on the bleak future that she knows (and how, pray, can she know for sure?) will surely come to pass, she is blind to all the opportunities and satisfactions that the present might afford her.

There can be no doubt that her ex-partner is responsible – or, if you prefer, to blame – for his deplorable treatment of her. There can be no doubt that he, like her parents, conditioned her to view her world in terms of fault and blame.

As long as she remains with that viewpoint she perpetrates her victim mind-set.
Yes, of course she has been victimized. Now, her recovery hinges on her challenging and rejecting the victim mind-set.

Because things have happened to her that should not happen to anyone, that does not mean that in the future she will be denied the same satisfactions, joys and possibilities that are available to other people. It has been different for her in the past. But there is no reason why it should be in the future. She can yet move from the stagnant holding pool of abuse, back into the mainstream.

In fact, “Victims blame, victors learn” is a quotation from the truly inspirational “One Minute Millionaire” by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert G. Allen.

Victims blame, while victors learn that, irrespective of what has already happened, they can have the same rights, hopes and dreams as other people. They learn the tricks and techniques that will enable them not to be paralysed by negativity, by their membership of the Ahbutt clan – and who hasn’t been an honorary member of the “Ah but…” or “yes, but” clan at some low point in their life?

Victors learn how to focus on the positives and start to experiment with self-acceptance and self-love. They learn to harness the awesome power of their subconscious.

They learn that other people’s opinions, however negative they may be, are only opinions. And they bear in mind, at all times, that as Clint Eastwood famously said: “Opinions are like a**holes; everybody’s got one”. So that another person’s damning opinion simply becomes a kind of metaphorical a**hole.

Somewhere along the line, I guess, like S., I acquired a map of a black and white world in which victors were people who won out by making others their victims. I felt then, and still do, that I wouldn’t want to be part of any group that oppresses others.

But we’re not talking about politics here, simply about the status you choose for yourself in your own life. Suppose the battle that the victor has to win in their own life only entails slaying old demons and laying claim to personal happiness and self-worth.

Suppose also, that your choice will harm and deprive no one. Rather, it may actually liberate other people, starting with your nearest and dearest. Would you then be happy, and proud to be a victor?

One of the first things that victors learn on their journey is that they really don’t have to make do with the second-hand beliefs, values and judgements that people foist on them. They can choose their own terms and values. They start from the premise that past and or/present mistakes in no way diminish them. They are always good enough, exactly as they are.

Victors’ memories of their own past suffering leads them to show compassion and care towards others who are suffering; without having to join their ranks.

Victors deal with the difficulties and face up to challenges, and still celebrate all the good things that they and their loved ones experience.

That being the case, are you ready to place yourself on the victor’s side of the fence?

(2006) Annie Kaszina

Annie Kaszina Ph D, is a coach and writer who has helped hundreds of women to rebuild their confidence and their life after an abusive relationship. Annie is the author of “The Woman You Want To Be”. This ebook will teach you how you can love yourself first, so that you can create strong self-belief and build the fulfilling future you’re looking for on firm foundations.

To find out more and sign up to Annie’s free bi-monthly ezine visit EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com You can email Annie at: mailto:annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

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Go through your list of celebrities quickly in your mind. Tell me who out of them looks most romantic to you? Who do you think will take your breath away if you are asked to meet them? The looks, the walk, the talk, the body language, and the charisma these make a person romantic. Who do you think will score in all these departments and leave you mesmerized?

You must have seen many movies. You must have seen many movies with special effects. What are these effects for and why are they called special? The special effects are used to create an atmosphere that may look great. You have to do the same to look romantic. Create special effects around you so that the overall effect is smashing.

I pointed out some qualities earlier – the looks, the walk, the talk, the body language, and the charisma. Assess yourself for all of these. Consult experts if required. For charisma, watch some video shots of charismatic people. Observe carefully. Watch the way these people speak, make hand movements, and change eye and facial expressions. This study will be of help to you in changing yourself totally. Practice in front of the mirror. Add special effects to your personality. Let it look artificial to begin with. Slowly they will all look and become genuine.

It is not easy to look romantic, but given proper changes, you can change to one of the most romantic persons walking on the earth. Don’t believe me? Try what I said about special effects and watch the results.

The author C.D. Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas at yourromanceguide.com/ yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for screen-savers and desktop wallpapers at screene.com/ screene.com/ on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. The third site associated with the author is yourfungames.com/ yourfungames.com/ – it has free flash games which one can play online.