How can we concentrate more on the blessings of our marriage? How can we discover the goodness in the person we married? By focusing on what brings contentment and happiness. For instance, just a simple switch in attitude can make a person have more compassion for the person they married. We have to stop believing in the lies we hear.

The world likes to feed gullible people things that aren’t true. Some people are susceptible to these untruths because they want to believe them. I wanted to believe them and I did believe them. We want answers to our marriage problems and we’ll practically listen to anyone who has something to say that we want to hear. Anything that will provide the validation we need for our own rotten actions. Over time, believing in the lies of the world builds an unhealthy attitude in us. I receive emails from women who actually believe that their husband committed adultery because of something they did or didn’t do. This is a lie generated from the world. It is incorrect.

Unhealthy attitudes keep us stuck and trapped in our sins. Our sins are whatever we live for and whatever is controlling us. Unhealthy attitudes steer us away from God’s love and into the follies and sinfulness of the world. But if we are following Jesus than we are truly free from the lies of the world. God’s children do not search for their answers from the world. That is what those who have no understanding do. They believe in the lies of the world and that is why they are often referred to as blind. Wisdom comes from God because God is wisdom.

About thirteen years ago I was blind in my marriage. My husband and I had some daily struggles and then we had some real treacherous issues that kept me from seeking out God for my personal issues. I didn’t think my drinking was a personal issue because I blamed my husband for my drinking, so it was his problem not mine. We separated several times just because things were not going the way “I” wanted. I told myself more lies. The biggest lie I was told from the world and one that I believed for many years was that I was not happy because of the man I married. Could a different man make me happy? I don’t think so! Happiness comes from within. I made myself unhappy by believing in the lies.

The root of my marriage problems was not alcohol, was not selfishness, and was not my negative emotions. It was that I did not know God. That is probably the root of your marriage problems too. When we don’t have any real foundation to base our marital problems on we are like chickens running around with our head cut off. We don’t really know what we are doing. We think we do, but we don’t. As long as we keep believing in the lies we will continue to run amok, basing our marriage upon our own understanding and we’ll remain unhappy and unsatisfied with the person we married.

I can honestly say with out a doubt in my mind, that it doesn’t have to be like this. Come all of you who are heavy laden with burdens. Strip them off your back and ask God to come into your life and start living for the Light of the World. Jesus Christ can change your attitude like He did mine. Change of Attitude = Change of Heart. This is the only way we can start focusing on the goodness of the person we married and start living for our marriage in the way that God intended.

So how can we determine what is and isn’t truth?

A voice came from the cloud, saying, “This is my Son, whom I have chosen; listen to him. (Luke 9:35 NIV)

This is the truth.

Angie Lewis is the author of three marriage books offering marriage tips and wisdom filled answers tackling such issues as addiction, adultery, pornography, emotions, beliefs, feelings, marriage, children, forgiveness, communication, submission and spiritual influence in the home.

**Love The Man You Married** is a great teaching tool for couples. Every Christian wife and husband should read this informative book on marriage.
ISBN: 1411677501

New Release ***Love The Woman You Married*** This is a great book on finding and putting to work your purpose for mariage, and understanding the aspects of submission and spiritual influence in the home. A wonderful teaching guide about how God designed marriage to be. Excellent resource for husband and wife to read together. ISBN 978-1-4303-0047-2

To preview these books go here: lulu.com/AngieLewis/ lulu.com/AngieLewis/

**Journey on the Roads Less Traveled** A Very inspirational book! Meet Jesus Through the Author’s own spiritual journey. ISBN:1-4137-8890-4

Marriage Resources- heavenministries.com/ heavenministries.com/

How do you react when you are faced with spending another weekend alone because nobody has invited you to do anything with them?

Do you mope around the apartment, hoping that the phone will ring, and wishing that somebody, somewhere, will call to invite you to do something?

Just because no one has invited you to do anything with them, doesn’t mean you have to spend your time alone feeling lonely, depressed or bored. You can actually make sure that you fill your spare time with activities that you really enjoy. And you can take steps to create a better social life for yourself.

Many people who don’t have a very active social life, punish themselves further by refusing to do the things they really enjoy unless they are with someone else. Does this happen to you?

Do you tell yourself that you could never go to the movies or the theatre or have dinner by yourself because you can’t enjoy yourself without a partner?

Maybe you’re a person who loves going to gourmet restaurants, or to live theater, or action movies, but you never go to these activities unless you have someone else to go with. If you don’t have a partner to go out with, you just stay home.

You might think you can’t enjoy your favorite activities if you’re alone. Or you might be worried about what others might think if they see you alone in public.

If you have convinced yourself that you cannot enjoy any of your favorite activities if you do them alone, your attitude will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you go out alone, and then spend the whole time thinking how terrible it is that you don’t have somebody with you, then no matter how great your meal is, and no matter how funny the movie that you see by yourself, you will still go home miserable.

But notice that in a situation like this, it’s not the fact that you’re alone that is causing your misery.

Your misery is caused because you are telling yourself some very negative thoughts, and letting yourself believe that they must be true. When you let critical negative thoughts fill your mind, your emotions will follow where your thoughts are going, and you will feel terrible.

The good news is that you don’t have to say anything negative to yourself at all! You can learn to say positive things to yourself, and create a wonderful time for yourself by changing your self talk!

Just because you haven’t received an invitation from anyone else, it doesn’t mean you have to stay home alone feeling sorry for yourself.

Decide to go out and do some activity that you really enjoy, and treat it like a special date – a date with yourself!

Don’t go into the experience telling yourself that you will have a lousy time. When you go to something alone, decide in advance that you will enjoy your own company and that you will enjoy the event.

Before you go out, take some time to relax and pamper yourself. Have a nice bath and play your favorite music. Put on attractive clothing that makes you look and feel good. Make the effort to visualize yourself having fun and enjoying the coming experience.

If you find yourself visualizing yourself feeling lonely and sorry for yourself, make a conscious effort to visualize yourself having fun.

While you are at the event, whatever it is, do everything you can to increase the enjoyment you get out ot it.

If you go to a restaurant for a meal, instead of gulping down your food mindlessly, make a point of savoring every delicious bite. Sip your wine slowly. Take whatever pleasure you can in the situation. Open up all your senses, and open your mind. Create the best time for yourself that you possibly can.

If you approach going out by yourself with a positive attitude, you will find that you can learn to enjoy solitary activities much more than you expected.

Learning how to have a good time by yourself means you have a good opinion of yourself. It means that you treat yourself well, that you create your own self esteem without depending on the opinions of others to feel good about yourself.

If you can learn to create pleasure and fun for yourself, you will be less panicky when you are faced with spending time alone. You’ll also become more confident, more interesting, and much more attractive to others.

When you are faced with the prospect of yet another weekend alone, you can also take the initiative to call someone you know and suggest a fun activity such as having coffee, or attending a movie. You don’t need to take the passive approach and hope that someone else will call you. If you spend your whole life waiting for the phone to ring, hoping that someone will call and invite you to go on an outing, you are giving up control of your social life to everyone else.

Why not take control of your social life? You can create your own social events and invite other people to join you. You can ask others if they’d like to come and watch television with you. You can invite people over to your place for supper.

If you don’t want to host an activity in your home, there are thousands of possibilities right outside your doorstep, limited only by your imagination. You can organize a picnic, an outing to the zoo, or a trip to the bowling alley. You can suggest a walk through the park, or a visit to a library or art gallery….A tennis match…..A tractor pull…..A concert…..A movie. It’s up to you.

You can invite people you know well, and you can include others you have only recently met. You can even ask your friends to bring some of their other friends along.

If you have never dreamed of initiating a social event on your own, is it because you are too shy? Do you fear rejection? Does the thought of initiating a social event seem terrifying to you? Is it just too different from the behavior you are used to? The more often you do it, the easier it will become.

Your social occasions don’t need to be big and complicated. You can start very small, with just one or two people. You don’t need to plan a big, exciting event, and it doesn’t have to be perfect! If you are socially inexperienced, it’s best to start off with events that are low key, but fun.

Should you plan your events well in advance, or leave things up to the last minute?

The right answer for one situation might not be true in another.

If you live in a big city with a fast bustling pace, and if everyone you know is swamped with too many things to do, then you will probably have to send out your invitations well in advance. Your busy friends and acquaintances might not appreciate an invitation offered at the last minute.

If you live among people who are more relaxed, who have very open schedules, in a place where there aren’t a lot of tight deadlines and time pressures, then they may be happy to get an invitation from you to go to coffee an hour from the time you call them.

If anyone turns you down, don’t spend even one minute wondering why those people are not coming! Just concentrate on finding those people who would love to spend time with you.

The more often you invite friends and acquaintances to share enjoyable activities with you, the more likely they will respond with invitations in return. They will even look to you for social leadership.

The real winner here is you. If you learn to create your own social occasions, and invite others to enjoy them with you, you won’t ever have to fear another boring, lonely weekend. You can fill your time with activities and people you enjoy!

This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Check it out at royanereal.com royanereal.com

There are several sites that offer online dating services. These sites vary depending on the personality of the person or depending on whom that person would like to meet. These sites offer endless match making scenarios for dating, love and romance, soul mates and friendship.

Single people are the group that avail of the services of an online dating service the most. Some people have a hard time reaching out to other people physically; online dating offers them the opportunity to meet a potential match by simply online correspondence. Online dating allows a person to open up without feeling that they are being judged before others get to know them.

Internet dating services allow people to meet others online by easily browsing through profiles. Once they have found someone they are interested, the interested party can send an anonymous communication to the other party. It eliminates, if not reduces, the fear of rejection and social awkwardness. And, no matter where the person comes from, there’s always someone out there who is compatible. It is common to meet someone from another country, because the problem of distance is easily mitigated. Group dates can also be arranged if the parties involved are not comfortable meeting alone.

However, if there are pros in the services offered by Internet dating, there are also cons. Since the parties involved do not really see each other at first, there’s a chance that people can misrepresent themselves. This means they can lie about their age, social and marital status, religion and physical attributes. If a picture is not posted, some tend to exaggerate their physical attributes, thus ruining the purpose of having a sincere and honest friendship. Not all communications that are sent out are answered. This is a reason why some choose to lie about their appearance just to get noticed. It can also be very time consuming as people tend to spend a lot of their time browsing or updating their profile instead of just going out and meeting other people.

Common sense as always is a must whenever dealing with the unknown. Remember, only you have the power to choose who is best for you. Use this power wisely in Internet dating and also in the real world.

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At level 3 we are beginning to talk about our opinions or interpretations about the facts we heard. Things like, “I think Jimmy’s teacher is doing a great job” or, “I think our pastor connects very well with the children” or, “I think we should delay our vacation until we know mother is well on the way to recovery,” are going beyond the facts.

In response my wife might reply, “I think she is in good care. The doctors told us she is doing reasonably well and that it would it would be OK for us to go away for a few weeks. We’ve been so tied down for a while that I think its time for us to take care of ourselves.”

I might reply, “I think it’s a good idea for us to get away but I think we need to keep our cell phone close at hand in case we need to be reached.”

To which she might reply, “I think we should leave the cell phone in our hotel room rather than take it with us. I think I will feel uptight knowing the phone could ring any moment. If we have to be reached they can leave a message on the answering machine or they can contact the front desk. They will notify us of a call when we come in. I think we would enjoy our vacation more that way.”

Then I might reply, “I think I know what you mean. I think I can live with that. I think my family will understand. If they need to reach us they can leave a message and we will get back to them as soon as possible.”

At this level we are both sharing our thoughts with each other. However, its risky at this stage. It is easy for either partner to misunderstand the other persons motives or intentions and question and challenge them.

Individuals who think they have to be in control may try to force the other person to think the way they do. For instance, I might have accused my wife of being uncaring by not wanting to take the cell phone with us when out for the day. That would have caused her to be hurt and she would resist sharing other thoughts with me. She would have retreated to the safety of level one or two communication.

On the other hand she might have accused me of thinking my mother was more important than she was. I would have felt attacked, stopped talking about the matter and decided not to tell her what I think anymore.

Our thoughts are important to us and we want others to accept them for what they are – just thoughts. If one spouse attacks the other’s thoughts, minimizes them or ignores them the other feels rejected and may decide to keep all further thoughts to him/herself and revert back to level two communication.

Level 3 communication necessitates each partner giving the other the freedom to think differently. It’s quite OK to disagree. It is perfectly alright for me to have one thought about taking the cell phone with me and my wife have a different view on the matter. These differences need not impede intimacy.

However, if one or the other demands agreement on thoughts and opinions intimacy will be replaced with arguing, fighting, silence and replaced with the loneliness of level one and two communication.

Are you communicating at level three? Yes? Great, lets move on to level four.
No? Stay with me. When we get to the end of this book you’ll have the tools to get there!

Visit focusedonmarriage.com focusedonmarriage.com to register for a FREE ebook 5 Steps to Loving Communication in 21 Days or Less and for counseling and marriage conference information. Also see focusedonmarriage.blogspot.com/ focusedonmarriage.blogspot.com/ for marriage articles. John Neufeld is a marriage conference speaker, counselor and writer with over 25 years experience.