You’ve heard it before; marriage is like a prison. We talk about the old ball and chain, and when we plan a stag party, it’s about a guy’s last party as a free man. It’s a joke that’s true, like most good jokes. Because marriage IS a prison. I know, I’m married and I’ve been to prison. Actually, I’m working in a prison. So I can’t really say how it is to be an inmate. But I do know two major similarities between being imprisoned and being married:

1. You lose authority.
No longer are you the only one who makes decisions about your life. You may be given orders that, if you chose to ignore them, are punishable offenses.

2. You lose freedom.
After marriage you can no longer go wherever you want, whenever you want to. If you try to do things all on your own, without approval, you may be punished.

I hope you are saying: “No! This is not how my marriage works!” Good for you. Most guys accept these new restrictions, as they come with a great bonus: A good woman.

But for some guys it’s impossible to accept having limitations forced upon them. They feel choked and eventually break out of their prison.

If built properly, marriage is a good prison. A place where you accept some limitations, like not planning a global trek with a bud without discussing it with your woman. Or not sleeping around. Marriage should also be a prison where you have some freedom, like popping over to a friend for a few beers without planning ahead or being ripped to shreds later.

To achieve this, you should know how much authority you’re willing to give up and how much freedom you’re willing to give away. And make damn sure that you’re woman knows the limits. You need some authority and some freedom, else you’ll either suffocate or transform into a sissy servant.

Thomas Brakar is the author – owner of brakar.com brakar.com a blog on Manliness and Living With a Woman. Thomas insists that it is possible for men to have a long term relationship without losing their manhood. He enjoys silly things like manly cars, odd news and funny videos, and he finds great pleasure in arguments with people who flag stupid beliefs like “there are no genders” and “men can’t commit”. This article is part of a