As professional videographers for over the last 30 years, we have been asked to fix do-it-yourself wedding video disasters. Couples wanting to save money by hiring a discount wedding videographer or relying on well-intentioned relatives with a new video camera end up with a disappointing record of one of the most important days of their lives. Saving on the cost of a wedding video ends up costing much more in the long run.

The unfortunate thing about these situations is that they could have easily been avoided. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using a cheap wedding videographer, friends or relatives. These situations turn into disasters as the result of the most common error that kills a wedding video: lack of communication.

Shooting an important event, such as a wedding, where you only get one chance to get it the way you want it, means that good communication must be maintained between all the key participants in the wedding. If this fails to happen, your wedding video doesn’t stand a chance.

It all begins with the bride and groom. The bridal couple must talk about, decide and write down exactly what they want captured (videotaped) the day of the wedding – regardless of what anyone else thinks. For example, if the bridal couple feels its important to capture footage of the wedding day breakfast, or visiting Grandma in the nursing home on the way to the reception, etc., then they must communicate their wishes to the videographer. If you don’t shoot it you won’t have it.

The next key player is the videographer. His communication responsiblities are a little more extensive. In addition to communicating clearly with the bridal couple in order to verify that he clearly understands their wishes, he should also obtain the following information:

1. The exact start time of the wedding. We’ve seen wedding videos missing the bride’s walk down the aisle because the videographer showed up late.

2. The expected duration of the wedding ceremony. Ask the couple how long they expect the wedding to be, then purchase enough videotape to cover twice that length of time.

If the bride tells you she expects the wedding to last one hour (60 minutes) then purchase enough tape to cover two hours (120 minutes) for each camera. This ensures that you will have enough tape for the wedding and the reception. It better to have too much videotape than not enough.

In addition to communicating with the bridal couple the videographer should also have a conversation with another key player:the minister or person officiating the wedding. Communicating with the minister means getting his/her approval for camera positions in the chapel (so as not to interfere with the ceremony) and wearing a microphone. The videographer can also request a two-minute “start” cue from the minister so as to know when to roll tape. This conversation should take place at the wedding rehearsal.

Other key players include additional videographers. If the wedding video is being captured by more than one camera, the videographer in charge needs to clearly communicate with the other videographers exactly what is expected of them. This includes being on time, when to roll tape, and their individual shooting responsiblities.

Anyone can use a video camera. It takes something special to create a professional-looking wedding video. You only get one wedding day, but with a professionally-produced wedding video you can experience the joy, laughter, tears and love over and over again. It begins and ends with good communication.

Olivia Romero is an independent video producer with over 15 years experience as a writer, producer, director and editor. Olivia and her partner, Tony Jones, teach couples how to save money by producing their own professional-looking wedding video. To learn more, visit

You love them, but your personalities just don’t mesh. You frequently argue or get frustrated with each other. Sometimes it’s a one-sided feeling of frustration while other times it’s mutual.

Your New Mantra: “I can’t change other people. I can only control myself.”

One of the most difficult things to do when we believe that we are right and others are wrong is to accept that you can’t change their minds. Likewise, you can’t change their habits, their lifestyle, their addictions, etc. It doesn’t matter if you are trying to help them improve their lives, persuade them to take on your political or social views for the good of humanity, teach them about basic concepts, etc. It’s easy to let go of conflicts that only happen once in awhile, but what do you do when every day is a struggle, when every conversation is a conflict? What do you do when you dread seeing or talking to this person because you know it’s going to end in an argument or belittlement or worse?

The 3 Steps of Dealing with Difficult Persons Gracefully: Understanding, Compassion, and Response

I truly believe that understanding is the root of all happiness. In understanding a person’s actions or beliefs, we realize that their actions and beliefs have absolutely nothing to do with us. Once we understand why people do what they do, we are able to have compassion for them.

It is important to note that having compassion for somebody does not mean that you are in any way obligated to fix their problem. Your needs are always the priority in these situations because you can’t change other people, you can only control yourself. (Remember your mantra.) You can’t meet their needs for them. They must learn to meet their needs themselves. Likewise, you must meet your own needs yourself, and if you spent all of your time and energy trying to fix somebody else’s problems, you would never have time and energy to meet your own needs.

Finally there is the response. How do you respond to “difficult” people? It often depends on the situation.

Situation: Your family is giving you a hard time about a choice that you have made for your life (job, money, partner, etc.), and they’re criticizing you.

Understanding: “They are trying to help me. They just aren’t doing it in a very effective way.”

Compassion: “It’s too bad they don’t see that I’m happy with the choices that I’ve made.”

Response: “Well, thank you for being concerned about me.” No further explanation is necessary.

Situation: A friend of yours is very demanding and always seems to want your attention, causing you to feel simply drained after every encounter.

Understanding: “She has self-esteem issues and feels like she needs to have attention to feel important. She thinks that I’m important, so my attention is important to her.”

Compassion: “It’s too bad she doesn’t realize that she is important even when nobody is paying attention to her.”

Response: “Oh, I have some important things I have to do, so we’ll need to get together some other time.” There is no need to explain what you need to do.

Situation: Somebody insults you. (It doesn’t matter what the insult is.)

Understanding: “They are simply projecting their own beliefs about the world on me.”

Compassion: “It’s too bad they have such a limited view of the world. There are so many wonderful things that they could bring into their lives if they just opened their hearts and minds to all of the good things that are a part of diversity.”

Response: “OK” or “Interesting” or “I disagree.” There is no need to respond to insults any further than that. They don’t any further response. Someone who is insulting wouldn’t listen to your response anyhow and would just prefer to argue. Simply acknowledgs that you heard what the other person was saying. Then remove yourself from the situation (end the conversation, hang up the phone, leave the room, etc.).

Making More Space and Getting Your Distance

Sometimes, the only way to deal with the situation is to avoid it in the first place by avoiding contact with the difficult person.

You can easily create some distance (most of the time) by having “other obligations” much of the time. You don’t have to say “I don’t want to see you or talk to you as much.” You just need to let them know that you do have other things to do, responsibilities, obligations, etc., and you need to spend more time focusing on those things.

If you live with this difficult person, you may want to consider moving out. If moving out is not an option, you may need to find activities away from the person. Joining a class, volunteering somewhere, etc. will get you out of the house. Even working in the yard every day can help (assuming that the person doesn’t say, “Great! I’ll go with you” because then you’ll have to come up with plan B).

Getting Professional Counseling

In some situations, you may need to work with a professional counselor to figure out how to heal the relationship. Couples counseling, group counseling, family counseling, etc. are perfect for getting everyone together to talk about problems in a constructive way.

(If you believe this difficult person has a mental illness or some other mental problem that requires professional help, you can send a letter to his/her doctor and find out what mental health resources are available in your area to address the problem, but you cannot force an adult into treatment if he/she is not a danger to himself or others and is considered mentally competent.)

If the difficult person refuses to go to counseling with you, or if the person is a customer, co-worker, neighbor, etc. (let’s face it, we don’t ask our customers to come to counseling with us), don’t rule out counseling as an option. You can still make great strides by attending counseling by yourself.

Ending the Relationship

Typically, you’ll want to make an effort to find out if an official breakup is absolutely necessary, especially if this difficult person is a family member. In my experience, and in talking to others, I have learned that a one-on-one conversation is often the best way to determine if the relationship can heal and continue or must come to an end. A professional counseling can also help you make the decision. If a relationship clearly can’t continue in a healthy way, then a breakup may be necessary.

(There is one exception to the breakup option: if the difficult person is a child under your care or a child related to you, you do have an obligation to continue the relationship, to continue to reach out to that child. Ending a relationship with a child is equivalent to giving-up on that child. No one should ever give up on a child. Seek professional counseling instead.)

Don’t Feel Guilty

The most important thing to remind yourself is that it’s all right to avoid the difficult person. It’s all right to end the relationship. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to deal with a person who brings unnecessary stress and unhappiness to your life.

Likewise, don’t feel guilty about not being able to fix the situation. Remember, you can’t fix other people. The best you can do is give them an inspiring self-help book and the name of a good counselor. Then leave it to them to take the necessary steps to help themselves.

Meanwhile, you should focus on helping yourself regain balance, well-being, and happiness.

To read more about this topic, visit kristensguide.com Kristen’s Guide.
kristensguide.com Kristen’s Guide: kristensguide.com is a website dedicated to helping persons like you have happier, balanced lives by providing hundreds of free useful tips and tools, including free printables and calculators, that can make life easier.

Ask questions

Remember the one thing you are doing a lot of when you ask questions is listening and when you are listening you are not talking. If you can run off at the mouth like me, on a first date you need to take a very keen interest in your date and ask plenty of questions.

Here’s three

What do you do for work?

This allows a person to talk about something they either like or they don’t like but as they spend forty hours a week there it gives you some ideas about what they have chosen to do with their life.

If you are a lady and you know about salaries and wages, this question will tell you roughly how much your prospective mate is earning.

As a male I have to tell you that a male gets a big slice or his worthiness in the planet from the job he does. Asking this question though it’s not very threatening will in some cases allow a male to open up and every lady likes a man to open up.

If you could do any job what would you like to do?

Many people are simply working in the only job they could get and many are not working in their chosen profession. This question allows a person to open up to their dashed dreams or for them to share the dreams that are still burning in their heart and it offers you a deeper glimpse into a person’s personality.

If you could be president for a week what would you change?

This can open all sorts of things but if you ask it with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye you will allow the person to really reach into their heart and show you pieces of themselves.

Ask questions about their answers and probe them the explain why they say what they say in their answers

Honestly I have had people speak for forty minutes to me before they tell me that they have to stop talking as they are feeling that they have been speaking forever and this person is thinking you are one of the very best listeners they have ever met.

Take an interest in the answers and probe and probe, you only have one date you might as well understand what a software engineer really does and how he spends his day.

People love to speak. People like to be heard and people like to know another person is taking a deep and meaningful look at them. Life can be so lonely and some people don’t get the chance to let go of some steam and talk about such things, make it a memorable night for them. Let you date leave thinking they spoke too much and you are a great listener. And without knowing it, they might even think you really are interested.

Everyone will tell you not to talk about past relationships but everyone does.

So my third tip is to

Tell you date four to five things you have learned from you last partner

Share with your date not all the negative that you had in your last relationships but share with them the changes and decisions that are positive in your life since you dated them.

If you were always giving and your date was always using you tell your date that you are still going to be giving and generous but you will be expecting future men to appreciate it in genuine and life affirming ways.

And spend hours and hours and find that five. Put a positive spin on the last relationship and tell them in a candid way that you are happy you have learned your lessons and now things are different.

I share “five positive and spiritual lessons I learned from my divorce” in an article on my articles page, check it out from the link below for some ideas.

Take the time to share you childhood dreams with your date and your real goals now.

This is similar to talking about your job but its bigger then this. This is a little about me for instance. One day I plan to have 1000 live articles and 5000 people reading them each week and I am already working on three other books besides the one I have two weeks away from being printed. In the future I plan to preach in churches and light fires in the minds of the worshippers and teach people to have a more active, fulfilling and exciting relationship with God. One day I plan to be one of the most requested speakers in Australia and what’s more three people have confirmed this is my future in prophecy.

So I might not be the most requested speaker in the country in the next five years, but within the next six months I will have another 150 articles to my 150 already. And within that six months my second book will be rolling off the press and half of the third have been written. What’s more all of my books will be in chapters and all of those chapters will be free to read as articles on this site on the net. Freely I have received, freely I give.

I have waited for 25 years to reach this point in my life and I have a write about.

A person will love to hear your goals and many of them will get caught up with the excitement. If you haven’t goals, maybe you should get some before you go dating.

Be honest

If you feel they are too fat for you, that they don’t have table manners that you can cope with or that their simply seems no chemistry tell your date the truth. Tell them what you are looking for and if you have given them a good night you might be surprised they might send someone your way. In this case you would get a second date just not with them.

But I beg of you, be honest. If a person asks you a question don’t shrink back from the truth with a lie, boldly tell them you can’t answer that at the moment or tell them the God’s honest truth.

When asked what I do for work by people I meet I have no shame in saying I am on a disability pension and I write five online articles a week for www.ezinearticles.com and that I have just published my first book. I am not ashamed of my mental illness, my restrictions for work and the life I am living. In fact three ladies online who have contacted me and let me know that they would like to marry me. So I must be appearing as some sort of good role model.

If life has dealt you a cruel blow, don’t be afraid of sharing that with your date, but look on the bright side as you share it. Tell them that you could have lied to them and that you admire honesty and so you have given them the honest truth. The truth might strike you out, but you might hit a home run with that honesty also.

Let me close this honesty section with some favorite lyrics from Billy Joel’s song on the subject.

If you search for tenderness

It isn’t hard to find

You can have the love you need to live

But if you look for truthfulness

You might just as well be blind

It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

I can always find someone

To say they sympathize

If I wear my heart out on my sleeve

But I don’t want some pretty face

To tell me pretty lies

All I want is someone to believe

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover

I can find a friend

I can have security

Until the bitter end

Anyone can comfort me

With promises again

I know, I know

When I’m deep inside of me

Don’t be too concerned

I won’t ask for nothin’ while I’m gone

But when I want sincerity

Tell me where else can I turn

Because you’re the only one that I depend on

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

May you dates be blessed by the living God and may you find lasting happiness with an honest partner.

Matthew is one of two people that operate a site at escapeministries.net escapeministries.net Escape ministries is a place where people can be ministered to over the internet, by reading articles, watching videos and receiving personal prophetic words. James and Matthew invite you to visit today to look at some of the articles they have collected and watch some of the video teachings they are setting about to produce for you. You are encouraged to sign up for our monthly newsletter or simply email James or Matthew with any of your comments. We hope that you might bookmark it and come back to visit often as we pursue our mission statement that is found on our home page.

You can visit and view their video’s live at youtube by going direct to youtube.com/EscapeMinistries youtube.com/EscapeMinistries

In every marriage, relationship problems exist. No marriage is perfect, and Hollywood endings are just for the big screen. Every married couple experiences marriage relationship problems from time to time, but these problems don’t have to signal the end of a relationship.

If you’re currently going through some marriage relationship problems, whether they’re about family matters, finances, sexual compatibility, or something else, consider seeking therapy. Marriage counselors are trained in all kinds of marriage relationship problems, from the common ones to the more serious ones, and can help you and your spouse meet each other on equal ground again.

Some marriage relationship problems might seem insurmountable; for instance, your spouse reveals that he’s been unfaithful. The pain and shock of losing that sense of trust can be overwhelming for anyone, but even infidelity is a marriage relationship problem that can be resolved with time and work. That is, if you want it to be.

A counselor can help you and your spouse see through the blame and guilt to the root of your marriage relationship problems. You might think the problem is that he ignores you, or maybe that she doesn’t listen to you, but often you’ll find that the marriage relationship problems on the surface are usually simply results of deeper-lying core issues dealing with trust, communication, fear, and power.

Honesty is an important part of resolving marriage relationship problems. Many times a partner won’t disclose his or her true feelings about an issue, and the other spouse is forced to assume things that may not be correct. Being open with each other, and the ability to be honest, can go a long way toward smoothing over marriage relationship problems, no matter how serious. With honest communication, a true commitment to the relationship, and an extra dose of loving patience, you and your spouse can build a more satisfying relationship that will last a lifetime.

To fix your marriage relationship problems most effectively, both you and your spouse need to be committed to doing what it takes to overcome and work through issues. Most marriage relationship problems don’t have to break up a marriage, but many can become worse over time until neither of you even feel like it’s worth resolving.

There are also many self-help books written on how to work through marriage relationship problems. If you want to avoid the cost of therapy, consider picking up a few books written by experts. They can help you see patterns in your relationship and identify those marriage relationship problems that need to be addressed sooner rather than later. But remember, only you and your spouse can commit to truly building the safe and loving relationship you both seek.

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