Couples engaged in a power struggle are often very critical of one another. The natural tendency for a partner when criticized is to become defensive which only serves to heighten and prolong the power struggle. However, when analyzed criticisms can be extremely valuable sources of information and can help couples to gain new understanding and insight into themselves, their partners and their relationship.

First of all, a marriage counsellor has to work with the couple to open them up to the notion that one’s own perceptions offer a limited view of reality. When one becomes aware of and receptive to the views of their partner, a whole world of information is now available to them. So instead of defending themselves when criticized, partners can analyze the criticism and see if there is any truth there and look for insights and try to gain knowledge.

Criticisms can contain much hidden information, not only about the person being criticized but also about the criticizer as well. An important realization about criticisms in a relationship is that they have some basis in reality. Partners generally are very aware of their partners’ negative traits and weak spots but often point these out in an accusatory manner, which elicits a defensive reaction. When a partner can overcome the need to be defensive and see the truth in a criticism, awareness can develop regarding a possible disowned trait and furthermore, the tendency to project this trait onto the criticizer can also be eliminated.

An individual can also analyze their criticisms of their partner to gain insight regarding their own wounds suffered in childhood. Let’s look at an example of a common criticism like “you are so disorganized”. When a person can be shown to analyze this statement to reveal their underlying thoughts and feelings and ask themselves if they ever had these thoughts and feelings as a child some important discoveries can be made. In this case it may be that this individuals parents were very disorganized which left them unable to be attentive to their needs as a child. Therefore, when their partner acts in a similar manner it creates a feeling of being not taken care of.

It can be seen then that criticisms, especially the repetitious, ongoing and emotional ones, are often disguised statements of ones’ own unmet needs. Further, one can analyze a criticism to see if actually they are guilty of the same thing. A person can ask themselves, “In what way is my criticism of my partner also true of me?” In this way it can be revealed if the criticism is an attempt to deal with a disowned part of oneself by externalizing it and projecting it onto the partner. This can greatly assist a person to psychologically own the projection and withdraw it.

Therefore, through analyzing criticisms, an individual may be able to make an important discovery concerning disowned parts of themselves. Further, a person may make the distinction that the criticism actually is a description not of their disowned self, but of their lost self. In the above example, a person may scrutinize their behaviour and find that they are indeed very organized. Thus the criticism of the partner may reflect the unconscious need to be less organized and more spontaneous and carefree. The criticism actually is a resentment of the partners’ perceived freedom and represents a repressed or undeveloped issue that they can now address.

An analysis of criticisms can provide extremely valuable information about both partners in a marriage. The knowledge gained from this insight can be converted into a growth-inducing process. When the underlying basis for criticisms are discovered, partners can work towards alleviating or resolving the unmet or repressed needs and begin to help each other on the path to wholeness.

Michael Russell
Your Independent guide to marriage-counselor-guide.com/ Marriage Councelor

You guys approaching to celebrate your 50th Anniversary means that you have survived each other for that time span, which is splendid. You two know almost everything about each other, but there are still certain things that you might have not shared as of yet. I know what you are thinking that there is something that you have really wanted to share and I bet you should because this is the time when you can communicate something that you have always thought about doing. This is a unique idea that I present to most of my clients that they should do on their 50th anniversary.

On your 50th Wedding Anniversary, you can write down a letter that you would present to each other after the party is over and read the letter out in loud so that you can share things that you have always wanted to. Since this is a very special moment, just know that everything that you are going to share is strengthening your bond and bringing you a lot closer than before. Since you two know each other so well, it is important that you keep your heart open and accept of what is being shared.

The 50th Anniversary is the golden year of your lives and is something truly special, which makes you both the most special people in the world. Just be creative to plan your party with the golden themes and involve your children and grandchildren in planning out the very fine details of the party so that you make everyone the part of your happiness. You two deserve this grand moment. At this time you can share all the different celebrations that you have captured through the eye of your camera to share with the rest of the family and can look at those past moments and see how wonderful you have been through these years.

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Have you ever been in love with a Russian woman? Here are three pieces of good advice if you plan on trying to pick up a Russian girlfriend.

You may have spent hours dreaming of tennis player Anna Kournikova, or maybe you have discussed the charm of Maria Sharapova with your friends. These two women have something in common, besides playing tennis, they are all Russian.

Russian women are characterized with figures that are made for sports, killer blue eyes, and a great walk. If you watch television then you will notice that many women from the former Soviet Union are supermodels and are adored by designers. Another example of Russian celebrities that you may dream about are the fierce brunette Julia and the sprightly redhead Lena that make up the duet group Tatu. Not long ago they came to the United States and broke millions of hearts as men fawned over them. Do you dream of having such a gorgeous and lovely wife?

You need to realize that it may not be as important as what you want in a Russian woman, but what they want in you. First you should learn a few phrases in Russian. Most women in Russia do not speak English so you want to be able to carry on a conversation with her. The Russian language uses the Cyrillic alphabet which is totally different from the Latin versions of the same words. Russian words are pronounced with softness. You may find it hard in the beginning, but if you work hard, your efforts will pay off. If you are looking to say hello in Russian then you would say “Zdrastvui” or “Privet”. If you are looking to pay a woman a compliment then tell her “Tiy preekrahsnah vigleedeesh” which means “You look lovely”. If you say it the right way, she will fall for you immediately.

Second, a great way to pick up a Russian woman is to romance her. Russian women love small acts of romance. They will reciprocate as well. In return they will knit you a sweater instead of going to a store and buying it. So, the next time you go to pick her up for a date, make sure you have something small with you, whether it is a rose, perfume, lingerie, or something hand made. Romantic gestures should come from you as well as the Russian woman you are dating.

Third, you need to make sure you call her. It may sound like common sense, but you can’t pretend you are too busy for her, or play hard to get. Russian women need your attention around the clock; otherwise soon you will find that someone else is enjoying their attention. Telephone calls to Russia are not as expensive as they once were with all the great phone plans they have, so put it to good use and call her frequently. You can also use IP telephones which are becoming more and more popular. However you call her, make sure you do, and don’t be turned off by the fact that she may be too busy at the time to chat, just call her again later!

Take your time to build a good relationship, and follow these tips to ensure you will have one. Be clear about your intentions and make it known how serious you are about her. If you do it right, you could be very happy for the rest of your life.

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There are so many details involved in the planning of a wedding. This explains the use of Wedding directors to help sort it all out, and the large number of Sussex Wedding venues can provide experienced staffs that can make the task easier as well. You may be planning your nuptials in a West Sussex wedding venue or an East Sussex wedding venue, but in either case, you can be sure that there will be plenty of help in making sure you understand your choices. The problem, however, is that the ultimate decisions are going to be yours, and they are so very important in making your wedding match your dreams.

One of these important decisions is your choice of a wedding photographer. Some couples content themselves by entrusting this vital function to a friend with a camera. This is usually going to be a big mistake. Your wedding photography is going to be something that remains throughout the duration of your marriage and will be the source of years of good memories. It is not something that should be treated lightly. You need to give this job to a professional photographer.

When the time comes to decide which photographer to use for your wedding, the first step is to determine the type of photographs that you prefer. There are several different styles of wedding photographs, and each one is different. The traditional style is the most familiar, but in contemporary time is declining in popularity. It has a strong emphasis on posed group pictures, and a series of special and staged events. The reportage style does not include posed shots. It captures the events like a newsman captures a news story by recording what is happening without influencing it.

Some professional photographers go in the total opposite direction of traditional by making their photos fun and different. You need to first make sure of your preference. It is a good idea to review the portfolios of several candidates and compare the styles. It is better to decide on the style first, and then make your choice by finding a photographer that specializes in that style. Do not expect the photographer to alter his style for you. Although they might be willing to do this, the work will not have the high quality you will receive when the photographer uses his own style. Once you have determined the style you want, the selection process becomes a simpler task of shopping around for the best quality at the best price.

Natalie Aranda writes about home and family. Your wedding photography is going to be something that remains throughout the duration of your marriage and will be the source of years of good memories. Finding wedding photographers is easy than ever in your local wedding directories. For easyweddingsearch.com/sussexwedding.htm Sussex Weddings, you can easily locate wedding venues in Sussex UK, or easyweddingsearch.com/sussex-wedding-photographer.htm Sussex wedding photographers either in local yellow page or a online wedding directory.