Caution is a word with a fine old-fashioned ring. The dictionary definition I have in front of me reads: “attention to safety, prudence, carefulness”.

It’s a term that seems to have been relegated to financial affairs. It smacks of an earlier time when the idea was to avoid debt at all costs.

These days caution sounds curiously out of place where interpersonal relationships are concerned. (Although there is a good case for asking yourself where the sense is in that.) Certainly, caution is not a quality that is characteristic of abused women, aka ‘women who love too much’.

Abused women may be inclined to place unconditional trust in unsuitable parties, and they may be unusually fearful and distrustful. (Sadly, these attitudes are not necessarily mutually exclusive.)

Recurrent verbal abuse will drown out the voice of their intuition, until they come to rely on the apparent certainties of a partner, or others, with strong opinions about everything. (How many abusive men do you know who don’t think their opinion is law?)

One thing is sure, abused women are rarely emotionally cautious; possibly because they set so little store by themselves.

They have precious little attention left to give to their emotional safety. They rarely invest their emotional wealth prudently and they are, all too often, careless of their personal well-being. Their focus is always on appeasing an increasingly difficult partner who, vampire-like, consumes every drop of their concern and energy.

Nor is it any wonder that they don’t expend their emotional resources cautiously since their partner consistently berates them for not showing enough love or understanding.

Sadly it is not only with a partner or prospective partner that they need to exercise emotional caution.

Within a relatively short time I’ve heard several accounts of women who have experienced abusive treatment from their counsellor or psychotherapist. In some cases of couples’ counselling, the counsellor was swayed by the charm and credibility of the abuser, to blame the victim for the problems in the relationship.

In one case a male psychotherapist spent some weeks building a foundation of trust with his female client and then, slowly and systematically, he started ‘grooming’ her to satisfy his own sexual needs.

Counsellors and therapists are, in the end, no better and no worse than anyone else. Professional competence, in whatever field, is one thing. Integrity and refusal to take advantage of the vulnerable clearly should be part of it. But they may not be. It depends on the values of the individual. (The male therapist mentioned above was apparently a good therapist – when he confined himself to doing the job he was paid to do.)

It comes down to a Catch 22 situation. When we are at our most vulnerable, we are most likely to trust, more or less blindly, someone who we come to believe is better equipped to manage our situation than we are.

Yet that is precisely the time when we are most likely to attract someone who will exploit and abuse our trust.

It goes without saying that we are most vulnerable when the voice of intuition has been more or less silenced by distress.

And that is where caution comes in. The women mentioned above, whose trust was abused by the professionals allegedly there to support them, were – understandably – slow to make sense of what was happening. They were also fearful of walking away from someone they believed they needed in order to cope.

The question they asked themselves was: “What will happen to me if I lose this support?” It is a question that serves only to disempower people further.

The truth is that they would have coped. Our fear grossly underestimates our resources. Our resources, once we confront issues, end up amazing us.

Better questions to ask, might be based on the components of caution:

“Is this person’s attention truly focused on my physical and emotional safety?”

“Is their advice prudent, that is to say careful to avoid consequences for me that I would find undesirable?”
“Is this person careful of my feelings?”

If the answer to any of these questions is “No”, then why would you trust the person? What will happen if you put yourself in their hands?

Nor is it enough to ask and answer these questions just once. Trust, including self-trust, has to be built incrementally. Until your intuition is back in action working overtime on your behalf – and that will happen in time – the counsel of caution may well be the most valuable counsel you’re likely to hear.

C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women’s Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of bad relationships, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. To contact Annie email: mailto:annie@joyfulcoaching.com annie@joyfulcoaching.com

For more information and free resources go to joyfulcoaching.com joyfulcoaching.com

NOTE: You’re free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.

Nowadays it has gotten more difficult to meet potential dates at work or at school. Contrary to what happens in romantic movies, where strangers meet casually in grocery stores or in cafes and instantly fall in love, most people never have that kind of experience, primarily because of the huge fear that the person next to you could be a serial killer.

But with the technology that is now part of our regular lives, the internet has become more than helpful both in our work and our private lives. With the use of the internet today, you can meet new people in any part of the globe and discover instant tidbits of information about them without the awkwardness of asking them directly in person.

With everybody’s desire to connect with like-minded people, online dating services have grown like mushrooms on the internet. At its simplest, online dating is a methodical way of meeting people via your cell phones and/or computers connected to the internet.

A dating ads site permits its users to give out information about themselves (called profiles) and allow you to search for other people with your preferred desired characteristics. Profiles can be personalized and users can usually upload free photo personal ads. Some online dating services, instead of being totally free personals based, are exclusive and require their users to pay a reasonable fee to enjoy all of their services.

But with the proliferation of US dating service sites, it can be overwhelming for you to decide which service to actually use. There are a multitude of choices today that cater to every type of individual and to various special interest groups.

If you’re a single women seeking men, the first thing you should do when searching for the best online dating service that will suit you, is to ask yourself what sort of relationship you are realistically looking for.

Online personals and internet dating sites can be very specific when it comes to your relationship needs. The variety ranges from finding successful single men, friends, singles dating, lovers, or even sexual adult dating services. The good thing about this aspect is that everybody is sure that their going in the same direction and riding on the same train.

But if you are not sure what kind of relationship you want to pursue, than try a dating personals service where you can find a variety of relationship types.

Additionally, you might be wondering what type of person you want to date online. If you have specific qualities in a person you want, like lifestyle, ethnicity, social economic status, body type, religion, or even zodiac signs, then choose a dating service that groups people collectively which have the most qualities you are searching for. Most bring together people who have similar qualities, making it easier to find individuals that you can easily connect with.

Other than the above areas, there are dozens of features that numerous no membership free personals and paid American singles sites will offer you. And finding the right one can sometimes be a daunting task. But there is always room for trial and error and there are no rules that say you can’t use more than one dating service. You have total freedom to use various dating services at the same time. This will increase your chances of meeting individuals that you could have a good relationship with.

Your success in choosing the best dating directory or best dating site for you usually will depend in the amount of fun you experience while using that service. It is realistically possible to look for “the one” and also have fun at the same time. Unlike meeting a person face to face, online dating is far less stressful because you create basic rapport before you ever actually meet face to face.

With online dating, strangers can easily become friends and even lovers and it’s happening by the tens of thousands every month now.

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Have you ever wondered why Jennifer Lopez had made such a great impact on her movie, “The Wedding Planner?” This is because most people, after watching the film, had finally realized the importance of hiring a wedding planner.

Long before, most couples are having second thoughts on the idea of hiring a wedding planner. They have doubts if hiring the services of a wedding planner is really worth their money, especially those who are in a tight budget.

Basically, hiring the services of a wedding planner is actually a matter of choice and personal preference. If you think that you and your fiancé can handle most of the wedding planning without any burden, then, go on with your plans.

But if you think that doing all the planning from the very beginning is already tedious, then, it is time for you to hire the services of a wedding planner.

Basically, a wedding planner is someone who is adept and knowledgeable when it comes to wedding plans. Wedding planners have already established their contacts with many businesses that are important in the wedding such as flower arrangers, caterers, venues, etc.

So, for most people who are not yet aware the benefits they can derive from hiring a wedding planner, here are some facts that you need to know:

1. Hiring a wedding planner will save you time.

Planning a wedding can be a daunting task. It can even be more tedious if the person who plans the wedding is a participant also like the bride or the groom. It can be really difficult to have an open mind especially with all the jitters and everything.

Moreover, planning a wedding does not happen overnight. Usually, it would take you 200 to 300 hours of planning, thinking, and brainstorming. Hence, to save you time and effort, it is best to hire the services of a wedding planner.

2. More savings

Many people contend that the reason why they do not hire a wedding planner is that it will be an additional cost on their part.

What they do not know is that hiring the services of a wedding planner can actually save you more money because most of the wedding planners have already established solid contacts with some of the common wedding businesses like flower arrangers, venues, and the like. Therefore, discounts are more likely to happen because they have their own connections already.

3. Organized planning

With wedding planners, weddings can be more organized because most wedding planners are very particular from the biggest down to the last details of the wedding.

After all, it is their job so they know what should be done best.

Moreover, wedding planners have actual timeline that they follow in order to have all the details be ready on time or even way ahead of time, leaving all the last-minute changes behind.

4. The decisions are still yours

With wedding planners, the decisions are still with the couple. The wedding planner will just guide, render some suggestions, and assist the couple in making the decision.

Hence, the couple will be able to, still, have their own style and preference with regards to the planning of their wedding.

5. Confidence boosters

One of the best things about wedding planners is that they act as confidence boosters for the bride and the groom.

We all know how jittery and edgy wedding couples can be especially if they are in a rush or having trouble finding the perfect item for their wedding. But wedding planner, they will be more at ease and more confident that their wedding will be perfect because they know that they have laid the details of their wedding upon the hands of a professional.

Indeed, there could be no better person who really knows the ins and outs of wedding planning more than what the wedding planner can do.

So, for great weddings, it is best to hire the services of a wedding planner.

For more wedding secrets and tips, Kirsten Garrett has created a useful wedding guide that exposes wedding secrets and more tips located at: weddingsecretsexposed.com weddingsecretsexposed.com

Color preferences say a lot about a person’s personality and – perhaps more importantly to some of us – about a person’s love style. Bright color preferences reflect outgoing characteristics, while darker colors reflect more subdued and calm qualities. Secondary colors, including purple, orange and green reveal a person’s desires, goals and needs in a relationship. Color experts, such as light scientist Jacob Liberman O.D., PhD, and color therapy expert Louanna Wilson of SciArt Company, agree that these colors also tell us something about how different types of personalities attract men and women.

To figure out your color type, start by choosing your favorite color of these three. Even if you don’t like any of these, pick the one you like best for the sake of this analysis. Pick the color, green, purple or orange, that most appeals to you. Do not choose the color you prefer for clothing or interior decorating. Identify your love style by finding the description that matches your chosen color.

If you like purple:
You are attracted to a man’s energy level. But over time you prefer a man who is calm and makes you feel comfortable. You are dramatic and enthusiastic and have the ability to make a man feel powerful. You are loyal and take relationships very seriously. You also require a good-looking man – surface appearances are important to you. Beware your judgmental nature.

If you like orange:
You are affectionate and loveable and have the ability to see the truth in relationships. You use touch to show people that you care and are listening. While liking nice looking men, you choose to proceed in a relationship because of intelligence. You like smart guys who can teach you things. Initially you scare men off because you hide your sensitive side.

If you like green:
You are nurturing and sweet and come across as bring an attentive listener. People feel comfortable and supported when they are around you. You love an intelligent man and would like to commit to someone who can provide you with a stable and secure life. You want to be with a man who wants a family and children. Watch out greens! Don’t be too hasty. Don’t throw it all away for false hopes of a stable future.

Though many women – color experts or not – claim that these color clues are consistently accurate for them, remember that they are only a general guide, and are not rules set in stone. Always let your instincts-your inner sense-guide you, and trust your own feelings. Don’t let yourself believe that you’re falling for someone just because they match your color. There are simply too many other variables at play. Equally, you should never eliminate someone simply because of a color mismatch. If Mr. Right walks into your life with a greenish-orange glow, grab him. True love is more important than true color.

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Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work
relationshipsuccessexperts.com www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

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©2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
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