Do you have toxic communication in your relationship? This is an example of how someone would explain to their partner how the dynamics of their communication concerning their relationship problem played out. The conversation would start out like this.

I remember so many times when we would tell the other that we did not understand something that had happened or could not figure out the meaning of an action or word between us, that had caused so many of the problems.

I really believe it is because many times we would have already formed an opinion, perception or assumptions regarding certain situations. They were based on past experience and some were based on recent experiences. Back then, we both ruminated a lot and this caused those opinions, perceptions and assumptions to become very strongly embedded in our belief system.

It seems that the scenario would play out this way;

There would be a subject that would tap into the past or present experiences. This would bleed the fearful memory into the thought of the subject for one of us. It would then tap into one of the many emotions of anxiety, worry, loss of control, guilt, insecurity, abandonment etc. associated with that memory.

Then, I believe this would trigger us to ruminate on the subject. When we ruminate, we are not able to see past our fears and distinguish between past experience and/or present realities. We then develop the misperception and inaccurate assumptions about this certain subject and this would lead to the development of a negative wrong belief about the subject. The incorrect negative belief would be so strong and sensitive from the rumination, that we would be preoccupied by its thought. This would lead to a stronger negative belief and increased hyper-vigilance and acute sensitivity to the subject

The next step in the cycle is when we would discuss this situation and the non-sensitized person would try to give their take on the situation to the one with the belief. When the reality did not match an erroneous negative belief held by the sensitized person, the ingredients were in place for volatility. This would lead to easily triggered reactions, emotional tension, and extreme anxiety, seething anger and then rages or withdrawal

The problem was we did not have the knowledge and strength to be honest with ourselves because we were so busy fighting to protect our incorrect negative belief.

In hind sight I believe the secret to stopping this toxic communication would have been for us to realize that it is all about

• Giving of ourselves and not taking
• Always be empathic and forgive
• Always love unconditionally
• If faced with a fear, share it safely and then walk through it

If only we could have had the help to see how we were casing so much pain and anguish during this cycle to each other, maybe we could have saved our relationship. We all make mistakes; hopefully we will learn from them so in the future we do not repeat them.

I hope you and your partner
Gain the Awareness, Learn the Skills and
Practice the Techniques so you are successful on your
Journey from “I-TO-WE”™ to live your lives as each other’s

Best Friends During the Day,
Lovers at Night, and
Partners for Life™

©2006 – All Rights Reserved – Glenn Cohen – “I-TO-WE” Relationship Coaching™

Become a member of the “I-TO-WE” Institute Community. It’s FREE! Click on the following link – i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com/i-to-we-institute.html “I-TO-WE” Institute and take advantage of FREE weekly Tele-Classes, E-courses, Assessments, Audio files and much more.

Order Glenn Cohen’s new highly acclaimed workbook – The Journey from “I-TO-WE” and save 30%. A 24-step manual to help couples have a relationship filled with safety, friendship, trust, respect, admiration, joy, passion, and love. Click on the following link – i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com/thejourneyfromIitowebook.html The Journey from “I-TO-WE” Workbook

Send Glenn Cohen an e-mail and share your biggest relationship question, challenge or concern. Click the following link – i-to-we-relationship-coaching.com/Ask-Glenn.html Ask Glenn Cohen

The Jewish dating services have become very popular in recent years. Though there is not much difference in the actual dating there are many issues that should be noted. When dating in the Jewish culture there are traditions that are good to be familiar with and will help in the search of your soul mate.

Many Jewish individuals have turned to the Jewish dating services to be more selective in choosing a mate. With the strict faith and following the traditions one understands the importance of finding a mate that shares the same religious customs and practices. Obviously in a relationship where couples share similar interests and faith they have a better relationship success rate. When an individual who is Jewish is looking for a mate they are looking for someone to share the same daily and yearly customs with. Those that practice Judaism have different holidays and customs that can prove problematic if their mate does not understand or participate. This is the reason that it is suggested that the Jewish choose a mate within the same religious faith. There is a much better success rate and happier relationship if the couple shares the same likes and dislikes. Many Jews have turned to a relatively new custom termed Jewish Speed dating. This form of Jewish dating is where individuals are paired with different potential mates for approximately ten minutes to see if there are sparks and further interests. During the interview questions about hobbies, interests, religion, family and other information are shared between potential mates. This gives the traditional Jewish dating a new spin and has proven very successful.

Many Jewish individuals have found that Jewish dating has led them to others that may not have been born into the faith, but have chosen to enter the faith as an adult. Many wonderful adults have made the choice to convert to Judaism and therefore are looking for a Jewish spouse. The online Jewish dating gives individuals an opportunity to find others of the same faith that they can share a life with. Most Jewish families are very close knit and it is important for their family members to marry within the faith. Online Jewish dating has been used as a tool to assist with this goal. With the Internet now Jewish individuals can find others of the same faith that may be hundreds or thousands of miles from them. The Internet and online Jewish dating has opened up numerous doors of opportunity for these people. Not only can they find someone of the same faith they can also find someone according to the specifications that they are looking for in a partner.

Jewish dating is the fastest growing online dating service. One of the reasons that it is so popular is because so many have struggled to find a date with in the religious faith with limited resources. This is no longer a problem with the Internet. Now you can find love within the Jewish dating regardless of physical boundaries. The Internet knows no boundaries. So if you are Jewish then give a Jewish dating service a try. You might find that special someone to share Jewish holiday and traditions with. All the time making your family and yourself very happy.

Want to read more free information about dating? Click here for more free Online Single Dating advice: kiss-kiss-dating.com kiss-kiss-dating.com

Elaine Olden is a respected author offering advice and reviews of Online Single Dating.

Are you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving, or are you giving to get love?

I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help:

“Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of
moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make
me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she
doesn’t seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and
upset. These periods last for about 4 – 5 days. During these times she
seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes me frustrated
because for the past year I have been working so hard to try and make
her feel better when she feels bad. I thought that it was working but now
it seems nothing I do works. I miss the old times because she kissed me
randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would
hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. Now, I’m lucky if
she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all of the
kissing. I start all of the holding. It feels like I have to start everything.

“Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. She doesn’t
make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go
mainly around the times when she feels bad. But these feelings also
come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad.

“I just don’t have a clue what to do, and I need some help.”

Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty to validate his
worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as Patty is having sex with him
and kissing him a lot and making him feel “loved and wanted.” But,
because Adam is not doing anything to make himself feel loved and
wanted, he is addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to
Patty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with love. Instead, he
is empty inside and hopes that if he “works hard” and is nice to Patty, he
can have control over getting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty
feels pulled on to take responsibility for Adam’s wellbeing, and becomes
upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is getting turned off to Adam
and just wants him as a friend because his neediness is not attractive to
her. When sex is a way for Adam to get validated – rather than an
expression of his love – Patty will feel used rather than loved. when they
have sex.

Nothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides to learn how
to take responsibility for his own good feelings rather than expect Patty
to do it for him. Patty wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure
man, not as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel okay
about himself.

Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him and instead
focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. He needs to open to
learning about what he is telling himself and how he is treating himself
that is causing his emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a
victim of Patty’s behavior and instead focus within on what he needs to
do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants love and attention.

He would have love to share with Patty if he were to focus on giving
himself love and attention and on making himself happy, instead of
trying to make Patty happy in the hopes that she will make him happy.
As it is, he is just trying to get love – giving to get.

Adam is coming from a very common false belief – that our best feelings
come from being loved and desired. The truth is that our best feelings
come from being loving to ourselves and to others. Adam won’t know
this until he decides to change his intention from trying to have control
over getting love to learning about being loving.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight
books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and
“Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner
Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site
for a FREE Inner Bonding course: innerbonding.com innerbonding.com or email her
at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com margaret@innerbonding.com Phone Sessions Available.

Choosing an engagement ring for your soon-to-be wife is almost as important as how you pop the question to her. This is a ring that she will be wearing every day symbolizing the love between you two. Therefore, you have to put a great deal of thought into what size of ring you purchase, the style, and the shape. If you select right, she will love you even more for purchasing the ring of her dreams.

The first aspect to selecting the perfect engagement ring is paying attention. Men tend to have a problem of not paying attention or observing the signs around them. If you want to give your fiancé a ring that she’ll love, look at the kinds of jewelry she wears right now. This will help you get a sense of what styles and shapes she prefers in her jewelry.

Not only do you want to look at the styles she wears, but the metal color is just as important when picking out the engagement ring. When a girl prefers a color, there is no sense in looking at anything different. To lay it out in simplest terms, if she wears silver of platinum than you should stay away from gold.

The next thing to pay attention to is if she has hinted any likes or dislikes in jewelry. This is an obvious way to pick out the perfect ring and can be extremely beneficial if she does drop hints. Try to think if she has ever pointed out engagement rings she likes when you’re shopping together or ever mentioned her favorite jewelry style. If she hasn’t, than you’ll have to move on to the next tip.

Although this may be too observational for guys, try to visualize what kind of ring will look best on her fingers. If you know that she has small hands, you can ask the employee where you’re purchasing the ring for recommendations. An elongated diamond can make short fingers look sleeker, while wide bands tend to make fingers appear shorter than they are.

The last thing you will want to consider when purchasing an engagement ring is her lifestyle. If she works in a business profession, picking out a shiny diamond ring would seem appropriate. But if she is a physical education teacher, that diamond might not do so hot when getting smacked by basketballs and footballs in gym class.

Selecting the perfect engagement ring may not seem like that big of a deal for you, but for your soon-to-be wife it is the ring she has dreamt about since she was a little girl. By being observational and putting a lot of thought into it, you will be able to pick out your fiancés ideal engagement ring.

When looking for that freediamondcoupons.com perfect diamond, take advantage of freediamondcoupons.com freediamondcoupons.com. You’ll be glad you did. Free gift just for stopping by. Steve Shannon is the author of this article and is the webmaster at FreeDiamondCoupons.com FreeDiamondCoupons.com