Make your work a hobby. Make your sport refreshment. Make your diet considered and let your mood be chosen. Let your priorities be love.

It is such a great opportunity to consider “what is important”. If you want a relationship that is filled with love, then you’ll need to make love your highest priority. This seems easy and obvious when we are 19 years old, but when we turn 20, we seem to forget it.

It is so easy for Mum and Dad, friends, other people, university, to draw on our resources and make our love for our lover the thing we do when we are finished with everything else. Married people whose relationships are devoid of love, often search for friendships outside their marriage that “give them life”, and in so doing, often draw other couples apart. Parents who never grow up, keep sucking the life force out of their grown children in order to “get meaning” out of life. And children from a past marriage or the current relationship, who were once disciplined to respect their role in a home, are now the dominant force in a relationship. Things have changed and love is suffering.

If you want a relationship to last, you had better make your relationship the most important thing in your life. Beyond the emotional drama of infatuation, making your relationship the most important thing in your life is a spiritual commitment to love. That love, rather than through the heart of a guru, religion or idol, becomes your lover. Your lover becomes your guru.

If you hold in your mind a fantasy of meeting a partner who will keep the peace, keep your private life calm, and not disturb the life you have created as a single person, then you are really a single person looking for a pleasure puppy. Better you buy a cat or a dog, especially one that doesn’t scratch or bite. But if you are looking for love and sacred relationship, then you better be ready to work for it. The absolute purpose of a sacred relationship is to give you pleasure and pain. Your mission must become to welcome them both with open arms.

There are a lot of people who read the books, do the yoga classes, attend the meditation and become obsessed with peace. Then they are locked out of sacred love, because sacred love is like nature. Nature is always adjusting herself, supporting the forest, destroying the forest. The cycle is always going on like this, over and over and over. So if you meet someone who only wants peace, you can love them, but know they can never find sacred love. They are stuck in the first level.

In my kayak, I go alone into the ocean, because I know how to Eskimo roll. But in Nepal when I am trekking I always take a porter/guide because I don’t know how to climb up out of a snowstorm alone. In business, I have an MBA and lots of experience, so I am not afraid to build business, because I know how to “get through challenges”. In love, I know how to deal with emotions and challenges, so I am not afraid to love.

But if seeking a peaceful life (the sign of a rigid ego that has stopped growing) has become your priority, then you have become your own guru, and this is a disaster. Love needs a mirror in which you do not see what you want to see, but more importantly, you see reality. Reality gets you past your layers of ego. Relationship is the only guru that is honest. To say you are your own guru is like masturbation becoming sex. Instead of improving your intimacy with your lover, it kills it.

chriswalker.com.au Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris’s work and journeys to Nepal, visit chriswalker.com.au chriswalker.com.au

Tantra, an ancient Sanskrit word, means to “weave” or “expand.” It is a form of yoga, which means to “join.” To join and expand, to come together, weaving our energies, for the purpose of opening up to the entire universe. Shaped variously by Hindu and Buddhist traditions, sometimes constricted by Confucianism, Tantra in its widest meaning describes an approach to living that links the physical universe to the cosmic whole.

Sexuality, the most physical and intimate of human interactions, is seen a sacred activity, a continual re-enactment of the original creation of the universe. The First One, separating from Itself to know Itself, embracing Itself to experience Itself.

Tantra proposes that each of us undergo within ourselves this total union, this joining of the feminine and masculine. When loving partners dance the path of Tantra together, the relationship is transformed into a sacred journey to Oneness.

Tantra describes a movement of energy, a welling up within us, of joyous excitation. Unlike forms of meditation that withdraw us from the world of senses, Tantra encourages us to start with the senses, building on their ability to focus us in the present moment.

Sensual experience is appreciated as a tool for awakening the energy within us. In the moment that we shift from overt physical pleasure to an internal joy, to a focus on the internal movement of energy, the subtle nature of our being is exposed and Tantra takes place.

Tantra occurs only in the present moment. Yesterday’s experience has no relevance.

When I smell a rose, I smell it in this moment, not yesterday or tomorrow, but right now, right here. And if I embrace the moment of smelling the rose as the prelude to a spiritual experience, if I invite the rose-smelling into my total being, aware both of the scent and my total bodily response to the scent, aware of the softness of the petals and the rose energy in my heart, then in that moment I am open to the fullness of Who I Am. This is Tantra.

And if you and I both smell the rose together, and sharing that experience, dissolve our separateness into an infinite Oneness, then together we experience Tantra.

Tantra brings poetry to lovemaking. When my beloved caresses my face, and our eyes meet and we breathe together and acknowledge our rising passion, sense our hearts joining and our spirits soaring, the energy rising through the power centers of our bodies, this is Tantra.

Some spiritual paths teach us to deny, to say not this, not that. They teach that who we are is not the body, not the mind, not our actions, not our thoughts. Stripped of what we are not, these paths allow us to see the emergence of who we may be. Tantra teaches us to say YES! to this, YES! to that. I smell the rose and I am that experience, my lover touches me and I am that experience, there is nothing that I am not, I am everything. All experience can be a doorway to who I am, provided I focus on the experience itself, with the intention of energetic awareness.

To learn and benefit deeply from Tantra, we must practice being still, undistracted. When I am smelling the rose, I smell the rose.

To make love in the Tantra way means to be fully present, to allow each moment to be the entire experience. In Tantric lovemaking, there is no goal, no race toward release or
orgasm. Instead, there is complete attention to each touch, each breath, each movement of energy.

Every moment in our lives can be shaped by Tantra, can be lived in fullness and acceptance. We can learn to say YES! to each moment.

We need to do more than just make time to smell the roses. We need to learn how to let the scent permeate into our belly, deepening our breath and opening our heart to the expansiveness of spiritual experience.

Generally our minds, our thoughts, are constantly darting here and there. Our lives are structured around busy-ness, not around living in the moment. Sometimes while we are skiing or snorkeling, playing piano or violin, the world does disappear, leaving only the intention of the moment. That is the attraction of these pursuits. They require training and practice, and are designed to take place in a zone outside of daily living.

Tantra provides a way of living daily in that zone, as you enjoy exploring intimacy with your beloved! Sacred Sexuality is a training, a practice. It can transform your relationship into a love affair!

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Diana Daffner and her husband Richard are the creators of a program called Tantra Tai Chi. They lead Intimacy Retreats (vacation/workshops) for couples and also offer an at-home guided audio CD called “Lessons in Intimacy…The Lover’s Touch.” You may call 1-877-282-4244 for a brochure. Their website is IntimacyRetreats.com IntimacyRetreats.com

If you’re gay, dating can take on a whole new significance. Not only do you have to choose the right activities for you and your date, but you may also worry about social stigmas and how others will view you. Just keep in mind that you have as much of a right to be happy as anyone else. Keep the following advice in mind when planning your dates and everything should be fine.

Like anyone preparing for a date, the first thing that you should do is decide what you want to do. It might be as simple as going out to eat and then heading home to watch a movie, or more complex like a romantic evening on the town. Make a list of activities that you enjoy, and another list of things that your date enjoys. See which items match up, and try to make them definite parts of your date. Don’t forget to talk to your date beforehand to see if there’s anything they would like to do as well… after all, they might be able to come up with something that you didn’t think of.

Try to start getting ready for your date well in advance of when you’re actually supposed to meet up with him. This will give you time to shower, shave, and do anything else that needs to be done before you leave the house. Pick out clothes that make you feel attractive, making sure that they’re appropriate for your destination. If you use cologne, body spray, or any other scents, make sure that you don’t overdo it and put it on early enough that some of the scent will have already faded in case you do.

When it comes time to actually go out on the town, don’t give a second thought to what other people might think. To be honest, the majority of people will neither know nor care that you’re on a date; they have their own lives to be concerned with. Even if they do notice, it’s no business of theirs what you do in your life. Forget about the world at large and just focus on having a good time with your date.

One thing to keep in mind while planning your date is to allow for spontaneous changes of plans. That’s part of the adventure of dating, seeing where the night will take you. While on a romantic walk you might discover a great coffee shop, and while shopping at the mall you might see a poster for a local band performance later in the evening. Make plans, but don’t be afraid to do other things as well.

The most important thing, though, is to treat your date with respect and just enjoy their company. Whether you’re just casually dating or in a committed relationship, there’s nothing better than being able to have a good time with the person you’re going out with. By keeping that little rule in mind, you’ll be able to make every date as special and fun as the first.

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Unless you are a virgin, you know you have had it, “BAD SEX”! No matter the stud you proclaim to be or the lying wench who claims all her sexual encounters were “orgasmic”, guess what? We know you are lying, for everyone at least once in their life has had an encounter with bad sex. Another thing I must add is that we women know men like to discuss their sexual encounters with other men, I must say, so do women, but while men are lying about their sexual encounters in locker rooms, we women are actually engaging in conversations about our sex lives and they are honest and far more explicit with the details.

We women “kiss and tell”, we even discuss penis size. We will talk about kissing techniques. We talk about the difference between “making love” and “sex”. We talk about men who are awesome in bed and we laugh about the ones who aren’t. I have found that most women will cut men slack if they are inexperienced, we accept this as an excuse for not pleasuring properly.

The following is a list of things which I feel could turn a possible great sexual encounter bad.

Bad Hygiene. If you want to get it on with someone, please make sure you are clean. There is nothing more disgusting than a man who didn’t wipe his butt properly or contains the smell of sweat.

Please shave. Stubble is not sexy, in fact, it can be painful. Most women do not like the stubble in certain areas, it doesn’t take that long to shave gentlemen, as “Nike” says, “JUST DO IT”!

Don’t talk dirty during the first sexual encounter. Some women enjoy this at one time or other, but give some time to figure out if this can be brought into the “sexual” game. Don’t assume she wants you to slap her butt and call you “Big Daddy”!

Don’t introduce sexual kinky crap during the first sexual encounter. Some women are deffinitely into this, but once again, unless you know she’s a “kink” right off the bat, don’t assume.

Don’t inform your potential mate of all your great sexual moves with your “ex”. This is a HUGE turnoff and makes it obvious that you have low sexual self esteem.

Don’t refrain from noises during sex. Would you like it if “she” just laid there making no sounds? Enough said on that one.

Refrain from jamming fingers where they do not belong. If you are going to tread there, be gentle.

Don’t state how big your “manhood” is. I’ve always wondered why men have stated this. Do they think we women are blind?

Don’t EVER take a phone call during sex. Unless you are a doctor on call or some other important job, this is a no-no.

Unless you have said “I love you” outside the bedroom, do not say it in the bedroom. Don’t say it on the kitchen table or while getting it on in the floor in the hallway either.

Let’s face it, “Bad Sex” sucks! There is no need for macho attitudes or gender wars during sex. This is one time where those particular wars can be sat aside and both genders can enjoy being a man or woman.